Justtin

Chapter two
Aunt Betty's place

The next week came and went, and Barry had spent most of his time with his dad in the garage, trying to upgrade the robot and get it ready for packing.
“ When you get to Aunt Betty’s tomorrow, you will have couple of days to yourself. This robot won’t get to you until Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest, and when it does get there, all you have to do is adjust this,” dad said, pointing to a small thingy in the robot’s back, “ and tweak this,” again pointing to something small and un-identifiable, “ And then you push that, switch that, and finally, and this is the tricky bit, turn that anti-clockwise.”
“ Anti-clockwise,” Barry repeated, taking notes on a small pad that he had balanced on his knee.
“ And it should work,” said dad, unconvincingly.
Barry noticed the worry in his dad’s voice, but chose not to say anything. How he would regret that in years to come. Stupid boy.
“ Leave it to me, dad,” said Barry, wishing he could he go with his parent’s, but as usual, keeping it under his hat.
Mum joined them, with that look that says, I know something you don’t.
“ Look what I found,” she said, and as Barry turned to see what she had, Zed appeared from behind her.
“ Hello,” said Zed, looking a bit sheepish.
“ Zed, where have you been?” asked Barry.
“ Nowhere much. Had some schoolwork to catch up on,” he replied, nervously.
Zed looked toward dad, who caught his eye ( polished it and rolled it back ) and quickly turned back to what he was doing.
“ Barry, can you go in the house, and get me the packing materials they sent for the robot,” said dad.
“ Sure,” said Barry, eager to help as always, and off he went, at a limps pace. Once out of earshot, Dad spoke to Zed.
“ Everything ok? Are you all sorted for tomorrow?” he asked.
“ Yes, I think so,” Zed replied. “ I’m really looking forward to it.”
“ Keep an eye on him for me,” said dad, “ you know how clumsy he is.”
“ You can rely on me,” said Zed, with an air of responsibility.
“ Good. He doesn’t know yet. We thought you might like to tell him.”
“ Tell him what?” said Barry, returning with his arms full of packing materials.
“ I’m coming with you, to Aunt Betty’s,” said Zed.
A massive grin spread across Barry’s face.
“ Oh Yes!” said Barry, and he jumped for joy. Bad move Barry.
He landed badly on his broken foot, and fell sideways, knocking the shelf on his left, high into the air.
The chain of events that followed were not unusual in the Trotter household.
A rusty tin, filled of old nails and screws, and those little brass hooks that nobody seems to have a use for, (recognise that one folks?), and a tin of mouldy paint were sent flying towards the ceiling, while everything else on the shelf ended up on the floor, where Barry finished up too. Fortunately, the lid on the paint tin was stuck solid and it bounced harmlessly away into the far corner of the garage. The tin of screws and nails had a different ending. Well, they would have, wouldn’t they?
It was almost as if every individual screw and nail ( and hook ) had it’s own idea of where it wanted to be. As the tin hit the ceiling, each piece of metal, flew in a totally different direction, showering everybody and everything with shrapnel, and the tin decided that Barry’s head looked particularly inviting, as it came down and hit it’s target.
“ Far out,” said Zed, feeling very hip.
“ Ouch!” said Barry, feeling very hurt.
“ Clumsy twat!” said dad, feeling he should clear up the mess.
***
“ Have you always been like that?” asked Zed, in the car on the way to Aunt Betty’s.
“ Like what?”
“ You know, clumsy.”
“ I guess so, can’t really remember,” said Barry, “ I think it comes from my mum’s side. A couple of years ago she accidentally killed one of our cats."
“ Really, how?” said Zed, paying full attention.
“ It wasn’t well, so she crushed up four aspirin and put it in the cats milk. Poor thing died of kidney failure as a result. At least, that’s what the vet said.”
Barry kept a straight face as he told his sad tale. And it was sad, but true.
“ That’s horrible,” said Zed, with tears welling up.
“ Putting it out for the dustbin men was the bit that upset me most. I’ll never forget seeing his stiff tail sticking out of the bin like that. Couldn’t even get the lid on.”
Zed, having a weird sense of humour, and already seeing the funny side,
started to snigger, and within seconds was in tears of laughter. His stomach hurt so much, he had to pull his knees up under his chin.
“ You're making it up,” laughed Zed.
“ I wish I was. So far as I can tell, we’ve lost four cats, two budgies, about fifty goldfish, and the one and only dog we had, got wise, and legged it. Never to be seen again. And please don’t ask me about the hamsters. I can still see one of them, to this day, floating down the stream on a bit of toast. I’m convinced he was waving.”
“ Stop,” said Zed, “ I can't...catch...my breath.”
Zed was now curled up in a small ball, in the back of the car, and he was now in agony.
“ I’m serious,” said Barry. “ I guess we were just never meant to have pets.”
“ Well, if you get like that, I’ll have you put down,” said Zed, wiping away his own tears.
“ Thanks a bunch,” said Barry.
“ Don't mention it,” said Zed. “ That's what friends are for
***
The rest of the journey was spent, with our two heroes to be, talking about what they liked and disliked about school. They couldn’t understand why Mr. Matthews, the gym teacher, insisted on wearing pink satin shorts for P.E.
And what was that silly little moustache all about. The boys had a good laugh about that, but in the end, they both agreed on one main issue. That their school was crap.
By lunchtime they had arrived at Aunt Betty’s country farmhouse, further out in deepest Essex. Situated in the middle of a huge plot of land, the farmhouse entrance had a small gravel driveway, surrounded by a well-kept garden. The house itself was quite big. Four good-sized bedrooms, a big living room, complete with the latest thing, colour T.V. and a large kitchen diner.
Whenever Barry had been there before, he’d always spent most of his time in the kitchen. Well, that’s where the best parties always end up. Not that Aunt Betty threw parties. She was far too weird.
Outside the kitchen door was another well looked after garden, about half an acre in size, with trees surrounding the perimeter.
Behind the trees, at the south end of the garden, was a wide, slow moving river, next to where Barry had built his secret hideaway the last time he was there.
The car slowed to a stop and Zed gave the place the once over.
“ Cool,” he said, slowly.
“ Not bad is it?” said Barry.
Years before, the farm had belonged to one of Barry’s great grandfather’s.
The land was used to keep livestock, but after an affair with the local vicar, and we’ve all heard that one, Barry’s great grandmother walked out and left the old boy to it.
Having been given that ‘new found’ freedom, Barry’s great grandfather decided to become a vegetarian, and that, as they say, was that.
He sold all of the stock, and the locks, but kept some of the barrels.
With the money he gained, he bought the farm outright, then sold it, for a huge profit, moved to Monaco, and became an international playboy. Let that be a lesson to us all.
But, of course, that was a long time ago.
Aunt Betty was handed the keys almost forty years ago, under a cloud of mystery. Something to do with the strange disappearance of a local vicar, but nobody knew the full details.
Barry had explained most of this on the way. He also told Zed, that Aunt Betty was two side plates short of a dinner service, but she was also harmless. Zed thought he had a rough idea of what to expect, but what was waiting for them, was not even close.
As the boys got out of the car, Aunt Betty, or Batty, as she was known to her close family and friends, was standing in the doorway, dressed like the Queen, including a ceremonial tiara. The only things not quite right, were the boots. Aunt Betty was wearing a pair of green wellies.
Zed stared in disbelief.
“ Yep,” said Barry, “ nothing has changed. Hello Auntie.”
“ Hello Terry,” she said.
“ It’s Barry, and this is Zed,” said Barry.
“ Zed,” said Aunt Betty, “ that’s a funny name. Do you have any brothers or sisters?” she asked.
“ Yes I do,” replied Zed, who should have seen it coming.
“ Are they all named after letters of the alphabet?” she asked, quite seriously.
“ Er, no,” said a stunned Zed.
“ Pity,” she said, “ so much easier to remember. Come on you two. I’ve put you both in the same room. Garry, you know the way, don’t you.”
“ Yes Auntie,” said Barry, “ and it’s Barry.
“ Of course it is, deary, course it is,” said Aunt Betty. “ Now run along and get yourselves cleaned up, and I’ll prepare some lunch.”
“ Ok,” they said, and off they went to find their room.
“ She’s mad,” said Zed, after a few minutes.
“ I tried to warn you,” said Barry. “ You wait and see what you get for lunch.”
“ Is it that bad?”
“ Well, if last time was anything to go by, I would say that’s a big yes. She tried to give me raw cauliflower sandwiches once. Her sardines in custard was a masterpiece.”
“ You’re joking,” said Zed.
“ Have I lied to you yet,” said Barry, feeling tired after pulling himself up the stair rail.
“ Well,” thought Zed, “ can’t we get your folk’s to send us a food parcel with the robot.”
“ Good idea, but we have no way of contacting them. There’s no phone. I’m afraid it’s grin and bare it time.”
Zed started to think to himself. Ok. No phone. I’ll get that sorted out, and quickly. It’s time for a few changes.
“ Great,” said Zed.
“ Not a word I would have chosen, but look on the bright side, it’s only for a week.”
“ Great,” said Zed again, thinking to himself, not if I can help it.
***
And lunchtime, as predicted, was not a let down. The bread was green, having been made with cabbage and Brussels sprout, and not mould, which was a relief to Zed, as he was sure he’d seen his mum throwing something very similar in the dustbin, only a few days before.
There was also pickled pineapple cookies, and peanut flavoured cheese. The main course was a dark red soup, with black things floating in it. As hard as Zed tried, he couldn’t even look at the soup, let alone eat it. He was convinced he was being stared at. They couldn’t be eyes, could they?
“ Something wrong with the soup, deary,” Aunt Betty asked. “ That’s home made beetroot and black olive, one of my speciality’s.”
“ I had a big breakfast, so I’m not really hungry,” lied Zed.
“ Can’t stand it myself,” said Aunt Betty. “ Gives me wind. Oh well, there’s plenty of fruit. When you’ve both finished, Billy can show you around, while I tidy away this mess and get dinner ready.”
“ What are we having?” Barry asked, and instantly wishing he hadn’t, once he’d seen the worried expression on Zed’s face.
“ Pizza,” replied Aunt Betty.
“ Brilliant,” said Zed, relieved.
“ With pickled egg and jam topping.”
They both grabbed as much fruit as they could hold, and made their way outside.
***
It was a warm, bright day. Summers are like that, occasionally. Well, not that often. And if the current weather is a thing of the future, we should be seeing winter in August. So that means, eventually summer and winter become one. That also means that Christmas will be in the middle of the summer holidays, and that means that school’s all over the world will never be shut, at the same time as being open. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Anyway, back to this gripping tale.
Barry took Zed to the riverside, to show him his little hideaway, or where it used to be. Barry hadn’t been here for almost a year, but he was sure his hideaway was here. He looked around. No, this can’t be right, he thought. The river, the trees, everything was here, except his hideaway.
“ It’s gone,” he said, “ at least, this is where I left it.”
“ Are you sure?” asked Zed.
“ Of course I am. Must have blown down. Yeah, that’s it. Oh well, we could always make another one.”
“ Sounds good to me,” said Zed. “ Where do we start?”
And the two boys spent a busy afternoon making a new den, on the site of the original, totally unaware they were being watched.
“ So who’s this Penny then?” asked Zed.
“ Just this spotty girl who lives over there,” said Barry, pointing away towards the north.
“ Your mum say’s you’re besotted with her. What’s she like?”
“ My mum doesn’t know anything,” said Barry, defensively. “ Penny is ok, but I don’t really know that much about her. She’s a bit older than us, and she’s built like a brick shithouse. You know, big muscles and stuff. She’s a farm girl and she’s worked there nearly all her life.”
“ Will we meet her?” asked Zed, sounding interested.
“ Don’t know, probably,” answered Barry. “ I’m getting hungry,” he added.
He went to where they had left the fruit. It was gone. No surprises there then.
“ Where’s the bloody fruit?” Barry yelled. Zed joined him, and sure enough, there was the fruit, gone.
Without warning, there was a dull thud, and when Zed turned to look at Barry, he found him doubled up, in agony.
“ Call me spotty, would you, Barry bloody Trotter,” said Penny, as she hurled another apple toward him. The apple bounced off the side of Barry’s head, and Zed caught it.
“ How’s that,” said Zed.
“ Not out, and not funny,” said Barry, not knowing what bit of him to rub better first.
“ Er, hello Penny. This is my friend Zed.”
Barry was trying his best to be humble, and failing. Penny wasn’t interested.
“ So, I’m built like a brick shithouse am I? Which bit? The inside, which smells, or the outside, which is ugly? Choose carefully, I’m armed,” she said, tossing another apple up and down in her hand.
“ Not what I was expecting,” said Zed.
“ Who’s he?” asked Penny.
“ I told you once,” said Barry. “ This is my friend, Zed.”
Zed offered his hand as a welcome, and Penny shook it.
“ That’s a funny name,” she said.
“ Obviously,” said Zed.
She looked at the gangly youth. Nice, she thought, then turned her attention back to Barry.
“ I’m surprised you came back after the last time.”
Barry went as red as a new cricket ball.
“ Why? What happened?” said Zed, waiting to find out what his friend had been up to.
“ Are you going to tell him, or shall I?” said Penny.
“ It will probably sound better coming from you,” said Barry. “ It’s a bit embarrassing.”
“ Ok,” Penny started, “ we used to have a prize bull. Brainless Barry there, walked through the field in a red T-shirt. That was enough to start poor old Grumpy off.”
“ Grumpy?” said Zed.
“ Yes. He was a miserable beast,” said Penny, with fond memories. “ Anyway, the bull went mental. He got into the field with the cows, and caused them to stampede. We never did round them all up. Shortly after that, the bull went on the rampage in the local village, causing thousands of pounds worth of damage. The china shop was a write off. Then the bull managed to get into the village pub, which is the only one in a ten-mile radius, and smashed the place to pieces, much to the horror of the locals. If I were you Barry Trotter, I would stay well away from the village.”
“ Confined to barracks,” said Zed.
“ It’s unfair,” said Barry. “ I didn’t know.”
Zed stared at the other two, while thinking over something that had been said.
“ Used to have,” he said.
“ What?” said Penny.
“ You said you used to have a prize bull. What happened to it?” Zed urged. He wanted to hear more.
“ Well, isn’t it obvious. They had to shoot it because of all the damage it had caused. We’ve been trying to pay for all the repairs ever since. We’ll never be able to afford another bull.”
“ Could have happened to anyone,” said Zed, not really grasping the full scale of what had happened.
“ Oh, so you can get us another prize bull, just like that, can you?”
Zed went quiet. He didn’t have to think too hard about that, but decided not to say.
“ And the only reason it happened at all,” an angry Penny went on, “ is because you are so damn clumsy.”
“ I said I was sorry,” said a sorry Barry.
“ That’s as maybe,” said Penny, “ but it still don’t replace no prize bull, do it?”
Zed was still quiet, preferring not to get involved in what now seemed to him, a petty squabble.
“ So what am I supposed to do?” said Barry. “ If I stay here all week with Aunt Betty, I’ll go mad.”
“ Or die from food poisoning,” quipped Zed.
“ Cooking hasn’t changed then?” asked Penny.
“ Not really,” said Barry. “ The best thing I ate last time was your mum’s shepherd’s pie. Do they really use real shepherd’s?”
“ You prat,” said Zed, “of course they don’t. Although after that lunch, I must admit, I’m starving.”
“ You took the words out of my mouth,” said Barry.
“ Still thinking about your stomach,” Penny said to Barry. “ Well, you might as well come with me, then. I think we still have some roast beef left.”
And the three of them went on their merry way.
***
On the way to Penny’s place, the boys told her about the robot, and what had happened in Barry’s garage. Barry showed Penny the lump on his head, from the tin.
She laughed when he told her about the explosion, and the effect it had on Zed, but Zed didn’t mind. He wasn’t even listening. His mind was elsewhere. He needed to get to a phone. He could make things all right again, but first he needed a phone.
“ Do you have a telephone?” he asked when they got to Penny’s.
“ Yes, and hot running water too,” she replied sarcastically. “ It’s through there.”
She pointed to one of the rooms off the entrance hall.
“ Thanks,” was all he said and he disappeared.
“ So when does the new robot arrive?” enquired Penny.
“ Oh, it’s not a new one,” said Barry, tucking into his dead bull sandwiches, and sweating profusely, because he’d over done it with the horseradish sauce.
“ It’s the same one as before, we just modified it. It should be here by Wednesday. Are you coming to see it?”
“ Why not?” said Penny.
“ All done,” said Zed, as he returned to the kitchen.
“ What is?” asked Barry.
“ You’ll see,” was all that Zed would say, because he know had his mouth full of dead ‘you know what’.
***
“ Hello boys,” said Aunt Betty when they returned. Zed almost ran back out through the door. There was Aunt Betty, doing the washing up, wearing a fluorescent pink diving suit. She still had her wellies on though.
“ Got this the other day. Thought I might wear it for a special occasion. What do you think?” she asked them.
Barry knew how to handle this.
“ It suits you,” he said. “ Do they come in other colours?”
“ Yes Buddy, lime green and banana yellow. But this is my favourite.”
She turned back to the sink, whistling a long forgotten sea shanty. Then suddenly, she stopped whistling and said,
“ Oh, Zed dear. You had a package delivered. I left it upstairs in your room.”
“ Yes,” said Zed, excitedly. “ Part one.” And he ran to the bedroom, with Barry in limp pursuit.
On the bed, as promised, was a large box about three feet long, by two feet high, and two feet wide.
“ What on earth is that?” asked Barry, all excited like.
“ I told you I couldn’t live without real food,” said Zed, hastily unwrapping a Harrods food hamper.
“This is part one of my plan. The rest will follow shortly.”
“ What rest?” asked Barry, totally gobsmacked at the food inside the now open hamper.
“ You’ll see,” said Zed, as he tossed aside a small note he’d found inside the hamper. Barry, never one to miss an opportunity, picked up the note, which read,
“ with compliments,…the Ministry.” It also had a small crest to one side.
“ I’ve seen this before,” said Barry, “ but I can’t remember where.”
“ Oh, really!” said Zed, knowing full well that Barry had seen the crest on some of his fathers paper work.
“ Oh well,” said the ginger one, “ maybe it will come back to me. I better go and tell Auntie to cancel the pizza.”
“ Good thinking,” said Zed. “ Part two will be here soon.”
“ How many parts are there?” Barry wanted to know.
“ Only six,” said Zed, then added for good effect, “ I love it when a plan comes together.”
***
After Korean fried chicken had delivered part two, the two boys sat in their room and listened to the evening closing in, but it wasn’t very loud, because they could hear Aunt Betty running around outside, hooting like an owl.
Zed was getting used to the odd behaviour by this time, but Barry was convinced she was getting worse. He told Zed about last year, when Aunt Betty had stood in a field, dressed as a scarecrow. Each time a bird had landed in the field, she yelled ‘Bugger off’ at it, through a loud hailer.
This was fine by Barry. It meant he had to feed himself. After three days and nights of this, she finally returned to the house, and being absolutely shattered, she then slept for another three days. In the meantime, Barry had eaten every decent scrap of food he could find, and he put on so much weight, that his folks blamed Aunt Betty for over feeding him. Poor Aunt Betty was hardly even there.
Still, Barry was happy.
No more gherkin and Neapolitan ice cream, no more tripe and strawberry yoghurt, but best of all, no liver and bacon.
“ She said special occasion,” said Zed all of a sudden.
“ Eh?”
“ When we came in this evening, your Aunt said she was wearing the scuba gear for a special occasion. What’s that meant to mean?”
“ Doesn’t necessarily mean anything with Aunt Betty. Getting up in the morning is a special occasion to her,” replied Barry.
“ Oh,” said Zed, thinking it a bit odd, but not pursuing the matter.
Someone was knocking at the door, someone’s ringing on the bell, open the door and let ‘em in.
“ That’s strange,” said Barry. “ I’ve never known Auntie to have visitors this late.”
Aunt Betty called up the stairs, “ Zed, it’s a gentleman for you.”
Barry watched Zed leave the room, and followed him down the stairs to the front door.
“ Keep him talking, while I do my hair,” said Aunt Betty, who skipped off to do said hair.
“ Sign here mate,” said a man in a brown boiler suit, and hair to match. He handed Zed a small key.
“ What’s it for?” asked Barry, impatiently, but Zed thanked the man and said nothing else.
Zed shut the door with Barry trying his best to see over his shoulder.
“ Where’s the nice man?” said Aunt Betty hurrying back.
“ He had to go,” said Barry.
“ Oh bollocks!” she said.
The boys went back to their room. Barry had a thousand questions, and he had to start somewhere.
“ What’s going on Zed?” was a good start, but it didn’t make any difference.
“ Wait till tomorrow. You’ll see,” was all that Zed would say.
Barry was thinking all this secrecy was getting too much, but he didn’t think it for long. He fell asleep.
***
The following day saw a few more people visit Zed. Delivery vans had come and gone. Barry sat and scratched his head at all the comings and goings. Lots of different items had been left in the barn, and some had been put up in the boy’s bedroom.
Barry was still thinking about the key, that Zed had received the night before, when the answer suddenly arrived.
It was a moped, and Barry was dumbstruck. He demanded to know what was going on, but Zed still wasn’t giving in, as he said,
“ Not long now, and all will be revealed.”
“ But it’s a bloody motorbike.”
“ It’s a Yamaha fs1e, 90cc. The classic moped. Nice, innit,” said Zed, happy with his personal plunder.
“ Yeah, lovely.”
Barry didn’t have a clue.
***
Shortly after lunch, Penny arrived at he farmhouse looking for Zed.
“ Oh great, not you as well,” said Barry, getting a bit miffed. People had been asking for Zed all day. Well, it felt like it to Barry.
“ It’s important. Well, where is he?” she said, being a bit bossy.
“ Here,” said Zed, coming in from the garden. He had just finished riding around the grounds on his fizzy. Well, that’s what they used to call them in my neck of the woods.
Penny ran at him, and Zed having a problem with people running at him, girls included, put up his fists, like you do. She threw herself straight at him, and pinned him to the floor, then gave him the biggest kiss on the lips he’d ever had.
“ Disgusting,” said Barry.
“ Thank you,” said a very happy Penny to Zed. “ But how?”
“ How what?” Barry asked, getting more and more impatient.
“ Just, you know, everything.”
“ He won’t answer,” said Barry, feeling very confused.
“ Oh, it’s nothing. Just friends in high places,” said a very happy Zed.
Barry was close to exploding.
“ Would somebody please tell me what the bloody hell is going on here?” he screamed.
“ We have a new bull, thanks to Zed. And all our debts have been paid, and the pub is being refurbished as we speak,” said an excited Penny. “ Unfortunately, there’s nothing they can do about the china shop, but, hey, great isn’t it?”
Penny was close to tears of happiness.
“ But how?” Barry asked.
“ It was nothing,” said Zed. “ Just a phone call to the right people. While I was at it, I made a few arrangements. The moped, the hamper, the fried chicken for last night’s dinner, and tonight’s dinner, if you will join us Penny, as my guest, will be the finest Indian cuisine, being flown in directly from Bombay.”
“ Holy shit, Batman,” was all Barry could say.
“ I would love to come,” said Penny. “ What time?”
“ About seven, if that’s ok with you.”
“ Sure, see you both later,” she said, and was gone.
“ Why are you staring at me like that?” Zed asked Barry.
“ Right now, I’m not sure. I thought I knew you, but this has blown me away. Are there any more surprise’s I should know about?”
“ No, I don’t think so. Well, not for a while, anyway. We won’t have to worry about food while we’re here. That’s all taken care of.”
There was another ring at the door.
“ Zed,” came the call from downstairs, and off he went again. Two minutes later he returned with another bit of note paper.
“ That’s the phone sorted out as well,” he said triumphantly.
“ The Ministry again,” said Barry, studying the note. “ I know this from somewhere,” he repeated from earlier.
***
Later that day, a large black car with tinted windows, arrived at the house, followed by a VW mini-bus full of Asian folk.
Aunt Betty was wearing an enormous space suit, complete with helmet, and gold visor, while doing the gardening. She waved in slow motion, as the mini-bus went past, and all the occupants waved back, looking bemused.
As the bus unloaded the staff for the evening’s meal, Zed went over to the car and got in.
“ Is everything ok?” asked the man in the back seat.
“ Yes. He still doesn’t have a clue. Are his parent’s safe?” asked Zed.
“ Yes, no problem there. We may have to keep them out of the way for a bit longer, for their own safety. Will that be a problem?”
“ Not at all. As long as the goodies keep coming. Oh, by the way, the phone was connected this morning. Here’s the number.”
“ You are doing a good job, Agent Hercules. Keep up the good work. I’ll be in touch soon.”
Zed got out of the car, and walked over to Barry, and they both watched the car drive away.
“ I’ve seen that somewhere, but I just can’t place it,” said Barry.
***
The Indian feast came and went without a hitch, apart from Barry getting mango chutney on his trousers.
The three kids sat in the kitchen dining area, and watched waiters coming and going with many, many different dishes of food, of the highest quality. The smell of the rice’s and spices was mouth watering. The kid’s tucked in.
There were different Naan breads, some stuffed, some not. There were dishes made with meat, some with vegetables, and more than enough with both.
And to follow, was the best Italian ice cream, again, especially flown in for the occasion, with a little help from the powers that be.
As they finished with their complimentary wafer thin mint, Penny declared it was time to leave, as she had to be up early, to help with the new bull.
She thanked Zed again, and he walked her outside.
“ Why do you do all this?” Penny asked.
“ He’s my friend,” said Zed. “ I have to look after him.”
“ He must mean a lot to you,” she said, “ to go to all this trouble, I mean.”
Penny knew the answer to that, but being a girl, she just had to ask.
“ More than you will ever know.” He paused, then added, “ I’ll tell you about it soon.”
“ You’re not gay, are you?” Penny asked.
“ Don’t be daft. I’m only ten,” said Zed.
“ Oh yes, silly me. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“ Ok. The robot’s coming tomorrow, so that should be fun. See you then.”
And with that, they parted company, split the profits and lived happily till the next day.
***
The next morning, after a huge breakfast, (which was cooked by one of the Asian chef’s, who’d got so drunk the night before on cooking sherry that he claimed he’d been locked in one of the kitchen cabinets, he ended up missing his return flight to Bombay), Barry and Zed ventured out to the barn to start un-packing the robot, which had arrived earlier, first class…and if you believe that…
They put the packing to one side, and Barry went to get a hammer out of his toolbox, to beat out the dents received in transit. Zed followed the instructions that Barry had written down.
“ Your spelling is rubbish,” he said.
“ Why?” asked Barry, who always wanted to be a doctor.
“ It says here, turn knob puss button.”
“ It should be push. I would have thought that was obvious,” said Barry, thinking, prat. “ Turn knob, push button,” he added.
“ Ahhhh!” said Zed, understanding at last.
Zed turned a knob, and pushed a button.
“ There,” he declared, “ done. We are ready to rock ‘n roll.”
“ Just got to wire it up then,” said Barry.
Zed went pale remembering the last time. It took his mum almost a week to get his underwear clean.
“ Ok,” he said, “ but it’s your turn.”
“ What, with my record? Do you think that’s a good idea?” replied Barry.
“ We could always ask your Aunt to do it,” said Zed.
“ Or we could ask Penny.”
“ Ask Penny what?”
The boys stopped to look at Penny.
Zed noticed she was wearing her hair differently from the night before. Last night up, this morning not up. She had two platted pigtails, that both just touched the top of her dungaree shoulder straps. The pigtails were held in place by two large black metal hair grip’s, in the shape of butterflies.
“ You have this annoying habit of creeping up,” said Barry, going red and failing to stay cool.
“ Er, we have a slight problem you might be able to help us with,” said Zed, diffusing the situation.
“ Like what?” Penny wondered.
“ We need someone to throw the mains switch,” said Barry.
“ Why can’t you do it?” she asked.
“ We’ve had problems before. Electricity does strange things to my clothing,” said Zed.
“ And what’s your excuse?” Penny asked Barry.
“ I’m accident prone,” said Barry, “ and with my track record, we’ll probably all get killed.”
“ Fiddlesticks. Give it here,” said Penny.
Barry looked to where Zed had been standing, but Zed had dived for cover behind some old bails of hay, which are accident prone themselves, when it comes to sparks.
“ This won’t work,” Penny said, as she looked at the fuse box on the wall.
“ Why not,” said Barry.
“ Because red is positive, and black is negative,” she said.
“ Are you sure?” said Barry. “ That’s probably where we went wrong last time.”
Zed came out from his hiding place, looking slightly relieved.
Penny swapped the cables over and said,
“ Are you ready?”
The boys looked at each other, then turned to look at Penny. They nodded their readiness.
“ Ok, here goes,” she said. She held her breath and pulled the switch down.
There was not so much of bang this time. More of a whoosh, as a huge surge of electricity ran along Penny’s arm.
As it reached her shoulder, it took a sudden turn downwards, toward her feet. As it reached her shoes it made the ends of her laces melt. Then the surge shot back up her body, singeing every hair she possessed, which was particularly embarrassing at this moment in time, as Penny’s hormones were raging, and unfortunately, puberty was in full swing.
Eventually the surge reached her head, where the two hairgrips acted like small detonators. There was a small crack on each side of her head, and Penny’s pigtails took off, like two extra thick arrows.
One flew towards Barry’s head, but in the nick of time, he ducked, and the pigtail missed him by inches. The other shot between Zed’s leg’s and came extremely close to pinning his balls to the wall behind him.
With a look of absolute horror, Penny, with a blackened face and smouldering shoelaces, slowly raised her hands to where her pigtails used to be.
“ Maybe the cables were the right way round, after all,” she said.
“ Phew! That was close,” said Barry. “ And I thought I was clumsy.”
“ Close! You feckin’ idiot,” said Zed, sweating profusely. “ If I had hair on my nuts, it would all be gone by now.”
“ Don’t mention hair,” cried Penny, as she ran out of the barn, with a plume of smoke chasing her.
“ What’s her problem?” asked Barry.
“ I dunno. Never could understand girls,” said Zed. “ They’re all weirdo’s.”
“ Yeah, I know what you mean,” said Barry.
After a bit of thinking, Barry said,
“ This robot?”
“ What about it?” said Zed.
“ I think we should leave it for a while.”
“ Gets my vote.”
“ Ok.”
“ Cool.”
“ Fantastic.”
“ Smashing.”
“ Pucker.”