Justtin

Chapter eight

The greatest trick in the world

Arriving at the site of the castle brought a lot of memory’s back for Barry, Zed and Penny. It didn’t seem like twenty-five years ago, and the statue’s looked like they’d been carved yesterday.
They wandered around, looking at each statue in turn, and making remarks on Justtin’s handiwork.
Justtin caught them up, just as Barry stopped in front of himself.
“ I didn’t really look like that, did I?” Barry asked.
“ Unfortunately, yes,” said Justtin. “ But don’t worry. You got better looking with old age.”
“ Huh, thanks a bunch,” said Barry. “ All those nice things I said about you in the past, and that’s what I get.”
“ I had a feeling you’d bring that up one day,” said Justtin, “ so I’ve made a list of all the nasty things you’ve said about me. Would you like me to start now?”
“ I don’t think that will be necessary,” said Barry. “ Anyway, we’re here to find my dad. Are you sure this is where the last signal came from?”
“ Here we go again,” said Justtin. “ You’re always double checking every thing I say or do. I am far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be, but you still insist on questioning me. I could add that to the list, if you like?”
“ I was only asking,” said Barry.
“ I was only asking,” mimicked Justtin. “ Yes, I am sure this is where the last signal came from. But in saying that, this is still a big place, so in reality he could be anywhere. I suggest we spread out and keep our eyes and ears open.”
“ What about him?” asked Zed, as he pointed to drunken body of Bert, which had fallen off the top of the van.
“ Precisely,” said Justtin. “ What about him?”
“ Well, we can’t just leave him there,” said Zed.
“ Why not?” said Justtin. “ No one’s going to steal him, are they? The fumes coming off of him is more than enough to melt a small planet.”
“ Fair enough,” said Zed.
“ What list?” asked Barry after a moments thought.
“ Shut up, you twat,” said Justtin, “ and start looking for the old man, will you.”
Justtin seemed to have taken charge, and they were all quite happy to let him think that, so they spread out and started to call for dad.
“ I can’t call him dad,” said Penny.
“ Why not?” said Zed.
“ Coz he’s not my dad. Doesn’t he have another name, like John, or Bob, or something?”
“ It’s funny you should ask that,” said Zed, “ coz I ain’t got a clue. You’ll have to ask Barry.”
“ And I thought he was your best friend.”
“ He is,” said Zed, defiantly.
“ So how come, you don’t know his dad’s proper name?”
“ I dunno,” said Zed, as he wracked his brains, trying to remember if he’d ever heard dad being called anything other than dad.
( He smiled to himself, as he remembered one occasion, when mum had a few new names for him. That was the time he came in drunk, after a ‘meeting’ with Bert, and a few of the locals, in the Shakes, one lunchtime.
On dad’s return, Barry and Zed were sent to the boys bedroom, mostly to protect their little ears from the abuse that mum was spitting at Barry’s dad. But they sat at the top of the stairs, holding their sides, and crying with so much laughter.
It was about the same time that Barry got clipped around the ear, for walking around the house and shouting ‘Fucking pisshead’ at the top of his voice.
“ What was that for?” asked Barry.
“ Swearing,” answered mum.
“ But you did,” said Barry.
“ That’s right,” said mum, “ and for a very good reason.”
“ What reason?” asked Barry innocently.
“ Your dad was drunk,” said mum, “ but he won’t be doing it again.”
“ Why?” asked Barry.
“ He’s given it up for lent.”
“ Who’s he leant it to?”
“ Smack,” said the hand to the ear.
“ And that, was for trying to be funny,” said mum.)
“ I really can’t remember dad being called anything else,” Zed said to Penny.
“ Well it just doesn’t seem right,” said Penny.
“ Look,” said Zed, “ at the moment, it doesn’t really matter what we call him. We’ve got to find him, and soon. He could be hurt, unconscious, dying from hypothermia, or worse.”
“ What’s worse than dying?” asked Penny.
“ Bert waking up and farting again,” said Zed. “ Let’s get moving.”
Penny didn’t have to think very hard about what Zed had just said, so she concentrated on her search for Brad. Well, she felt a lot more comfortable calling out Brad, and nobody seemed to notice with all the shouting going on.
It was incredible that they could hear anything at all, with all the din they were making. But of course, Justtin was using his infrared scanner, and eventually, he found what he was looking for.
Life, but only just.
“ I’ve found him,” he said, but nobody heard a thing.
“ I’ve found him,” he said again, but again he got the same response.
Ok, he thought, this calls for some drastic action.
He opened two panels, one on each side of his claret chassis, and two small, but powerful speakers protruded like a pair of big ears. He switched them on.
“ One two, ONE TWO. Are these things on? Testing, testing. Too much bass.”
He made the appropriate adjustments, and tried again.
“ TESTING, ONE TWO. That’s better,” he said. “ I’VE FOUND HIM.”
The others stopped their search, and turned to face Justtin.
“ Sorry,” said Barry. “ Didn’t quite catch you.”
“ I SAID I’VE FOUND, oh, sorry. I said I’ve found him,” said the robot, as no longer needing the speakers, quietly put them back where they came from.
“ Really, where?” asked Barry, excitedly.
Justtin pointed to the door in the opposite wall.
“ I’ve found signs of life in that direction,” he said.
“ So what are we waiting for,” said Barry, as he started to run toward the door.
“ Slowly, Barry. The floor isn’t safe,” said Justtin still scanning.
Barry slowed down, and entered the room. Two seconds later he came out.
“ Going to need some torches,” he said. “ You can’t see a bloody thing in there.”
Barry rushed back to the van to get some torches, and was met by Pug, staring up at his beloved master.
“ Awright goon. Wha’s going on?” said Pug.
“ Who said that?” said Barry, looking around.
“ It was me, you twat,” said Pug, wagging his tail.
Bert began to stir, and Barry naturally assumed it was him that spoke.
“ Oh, hello Bert. Are you with us?” Barry asked.
“ It wasn’t him, you gimp. It was me, Pug. You know, the dog. Your faithful hound.”
“ That’s incredible Bert,” said Barry. “ I never realised you could throw your voice.”
“ I give up,” said Pug.
“ No no,” said Barry. “ Don’t give up. That really is brilliant. You wait until I tell the others.”
“ Whatever,” said Pug.
Bert sat up, and swayed from side to side.
“ Wash happnin?” he asked Barry, in his own slurred voice.
“ You really must show me how you do that,” said Barry. “ That was the best.”
“ Wozzit?” said Bert, not understanding a word Barry was saying. “ Oh, good.”
“ I don’t believe it,” said Pug. “ He’s even accepting the applause.”
Bert took a cigarette out of its box, and put it in his mouth. He patted his pockets, and eventually found his lighter.
Pug watched with interest.
Bert struck his lighter, and a small flame sparked into life. But before Bert could light his cigarette, Pug stood up, took into account the trajectory and distance involved, then cocked his leg.
“ That’ll teach the bastard,” said the dog, as he followed Barry back into the castle.
Barry reached Zed and Penny with the torches and passed them round. He switched his on and entered the room once again. The room was still dark, even with the light from the torch, as Barry swept a beam from one side to the other.
Zed entered behind Barry, and also swept his beam around the room.
“ Oh dear,” he said, as his beam fell on a large hole in the ground.
Barry turned to see what Zed had found, and pointed his beam into the darkness below them.
“ It’s an underground cavern,” said Barry, stating the obvious.
“ No shit,” said Zed. “ And there was me thinking it was just a hole in the ground. What a prat.”
“ Probably a dungeon or something,” said Penny, as she joined the guys.
“ So how are we going to get down there?” asked Barry.
“ I don’t know yet,” said Zed. “ Do we have any rope?”
Barry checked his pockets.
“ Not on me,” he said.
Penny rolled her eyes at Barry’s stupidity, and then added,
“ I’ll check my bag, shall I?”
“ Good idea,” said Barry.
“ For Christ’s sake Barry,” said Zed. “ Will you get a grip. Penny was taking the piss.”
“ Eh?” said Barry, and then he realised what an idiot he’d been.
“ Sorry,” he said.
“ Forget it,” said Zed. “ What we need right now is a way of getting down there. Any ideas?”
“ What about that thing you did with Bert?” said Barry.
“ What thing?” asked Zed.
“ I think he’s talking about levitation,” said Penny.
“ Yeah, that’s the kiddie,” said Barry.
“ I’m not sure it would work over that distance,” said Zed. “ And I wouldn’t be able to do it on myself.”
“ But you could try it on me,” said Barry.
“ Too dangerous,” said Zed. “ If anything goes wrong, we’ll have two of you down there. There must be another way.”
Bert stumbled in the room with a beer in his hand.
“ Wash goin’ on?” he asked.
Barry looked at Zed in the way that suggested ‘ guinea pig’, and Zed got it straight away.
“ Bert, my old mate, me old mucker,” said Zed. “ How would you like to fly?”
“ I dunno,” said Bert. “ How would I like it?”
“ You’d love it,” said Barry.
“ I would?”
“ Sure,” said Zed. “ It’s easy.”
“ I’ll need a few more of theesh,” said Bert. “ I ain’t too keen on flying. Dush courage and all that.”
“ I’ll be right back,” said Barry.
A few minutes later, Barry returned with a carrier bag full of beer cans, and gave them to Bert.
“ Anything else?” Barry asked.
“ I’m running out of fags,” said Bert. “ The dog got the last lot wet.”
“ Really,” said Barry, but not really caring. “ Where is he anyway?”
“ Outside with the tin man,” said Bert. “ They looked like they were havin’ a chat.”
“ Don’t be ridiculous,” said Barry. “ The dog can’t talk.”
“ I was just saying, that’s all,” said Bert, as he opened another can and drained it in one.
Barry pulled Zed to one side.
“ Is he going to be alright?” Barry asked.
“ Yeah, the more he drinks, the better his mind will be to cope with the levitation. You go and get his fags, while me and Penny get him ready. Oh, and if you happen to find any rope, get that as well. Just in case.”
“ Ok,” said Barry, and he left to find Pug.
“ Here it comes,” said Pug, spying Barry coming through the door.
“ Why do you that?” asked Justtin.
“ Do what?” asked Pug.
“ Treat Barry like some kind of idiot,” said Justtin.
“ Coz it’s easy,” said Pug.
“ Oh yes,” said Justtin. “ Silly me.”
“ Come on boy,” said Barry. “ Let’s go for a walk.”
“ Ok,” said Justtin.
“ Not you,” said Barry. “ I meant Pug.”
“ I knew that,” said Justtin.
“ No you didn’t,” said Pug. “ How does it feel to be replaced.”
“ Who’s being replaced,” said Barry.
“ I didn’t say anything,” said Justtin.
“ I’m getting confused,” said Barry. “ I keep hearing voices.”
“ See what I mean?” said Pug.
“ I do indeed,” said Justtin.

***

Aunt B hadn’t felt this good for ages. Hilda had introduced her to some of her friends, which included Mrs. Bottle, the manicurist, and a tall, skinny blonde woman, whose name had escaped B, but she was a very good hairdresser. So with new nails and hair, B and Hilda Turner hit the town.
They started at the Shakes, where B showed Hilda how to drink tequila slammers, and Hilda showed B how to chat up the local men. Of course, Hilda was fairly well known in the market area, so everyone she spoke to was on first name terms.
Hilda had taken a bit of a shine to B, after realising that she might have met her match. Hilda thought it best to keep B as close as she could, just in case B got into the position of being able to oust her. Keeping her friends close, and her enemies even closer, was Hilda’s philosophy.
But as far as B was concerned, Hilda could keep her philosophy. B couldn’t even spell it, let alone think about it.
B was happy. Happier than she’d been in ages. She had new friends, a new wardrobe, courtesy of Oxfam, and not a care in the world.
This was a happy time for B, so why should I spoil it.

***

Barry got back to the castle, an hour later, with more beer, some fags for Bert, a Zippo lighter, and enough rope to tie the whole castle in knots.
“ You took your time,” Justtin said, as Barry went past him.
“ I suppose you were going to send out the search party, were you,” Barry said, trying to be funny.
“ They’ve already been alerted,” said Justtin. “ I’ll have to tell them you’ve turned up now.”
Barry, a bit red faced, said sorry and made his way to where he’d left Zed, Penny and Bert.
Pug sat down next to Justtin.
“ It’s amazing what you hear in these corner shops these days,” said the dog.
“ Meaning?”
“ There was some bloke selling mobile phones. Reckoned he’d been done over by somebody who’d given him false details. Didn’t hear all he was saying, but the bloke he was talking about had the same surname as Barry. Talk about coincidence.”
“ Was that all?” asked Justtin.
“ Not by a long shot,” said Pug. “ There was some farmer there. He was going on about his scarecrow running off, and the weirdest thing of all, was this tramp looking bloke, saying that someone had pinched his friend’s poo. He reckoned the bloke was going to give it to ‘ him with the eyes’, whatever that means.”
“ So, you’ve had a lousy time then?” said Justtin.
“ Yeah. What you been up to?”
“ Listening to Bert getting drunk again,” said Justtin. “ He farted about ten minutes ago, and I could have sworn I heard Penny throw up.”
“ Class,” said Pug. “ I wonder what they’re doing now.”
As Bert sat against the wall, singing at the top of his voice, Zed explained to Barry that he didn’t think the levitation idea was a good one.
“ And now you’ve got rope, this will be the easier option. Nice lighter by the way.”
“ I got it for Bert, but he looks like he couldn’t work it anyway. You have it,” said Barry.
“ Ta,” said Zed. “ Let’s get the rope sorted then, shall we?”
Barry found somewhere to secure the rope, and dropped the end over the edge.
Zed shone his torch into the hole in the ground, to see if he could see the end of the rope, but the chasm was too deep.
“ You first,” he said to Barry.
“ Thanks a bunch,” said Barry.
“ You will need these,” said Penny, producing their old walkie-talkies.
“ Bloody hell,” said Barry. “ Where did you find these?”
“ I always thought these might come in handy. I guess I just put them away until the time is right.”
“ Ta-da,” said Zed, as he produced some walkie-talkies that sat on their heads like headphones.
“ I nicked them from the studio’s,” he said. “ I quite like ‘em, don’t you?”
“ Cool,” said Barry. “ Better check them. Justtin, can you hear me?”
“ Who’s that?” said Justtin.
“ It’s me,” said Barry.
“ No, seriously. Who’s that?”
“ Justtin, its Barry. We’re trying a new system. Just checking that it works.”
“ Of course it works. Just winding you up. Pug said it was easy.”
“ What?”
“ Nothing,” said Justtin. “ So what’s the problem?”
“ We don’t have a problem, yet,” said Barry. “ We are just testing the new system, and in a minute, I will be descending into this deep hole, alone. I just wanted to know that if I fall to my death, at least someone would hear my screams. That’s all.”
“ Have you finished?” asked Justtin.
“ Yes, why?”
“ Coz you didn’t say ‘over’,” said Justtin.
“ I can hear him without the walkie-talkie,” said Pug. “ He whines a lot, don’t he?”
“ Who said that?” said Barry.
“ He’s going to hear you soon,” said Justtin.
“ I’ll deny everything,” said Pug.
Barry slowly edged down the rope, with the torch clenched between his teeth. The lower he went, the darker it got, and the only light he had was the small beam of light that emanated from his mouth.
“ How you doing Barry?” asked Penny.
“ I’m fine… oh shit. I’ve dropped the torch,” he said.
As Barry looked down, he could see the torch resting on the ground, ten feet below him. He finished his descent and picked up his light.
“ Ok, who’s next?” he said over his walkie-talkie.
“ I though I was going to fly?” said Bert. “ I want to fly.”
“ Bert’s next,” said Zed. “ We can’t leave him up here.”
“ Ready when you are,” said Barry.
Zed helped Bert to his feet, and showed the drunk what to do. Bert patted his pockets to make sure he had enough beer, and descended the rope, a lot quicker than he actually wanted. He reached the bottom with a bump, and fell backwards. Barry helped him to his feet and guided Bert to a wall, where Bert slid down and fished a can out of his pocket.
“ I’m running out,” he said. “ Get them to send more.”
“ We’ll see,” said Barry. “ Ok, who’s next?”
“ Is he there already?” asked Zed.
“ Yeah. I think he flew after all,” said Barry.
“ Oh,” said Zed. “ That wasn’t supposed to happen. Oh well, Penny’s on her way.”
“ Ok” said Barry and stared up to where there was a dim light above him. Penny came into view.
“ Geronimo,” she yelled, as she slid down the rope and made a textbook landing.
“ You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” said Barry.
“ Yeah,” she said. “ But the last time was out of a helicopter, for one of Zed’s trick’s. I’d love to know where he gets his idea’s.”
“ Me too sometimes,” said Barry. “ Zed. It’s your turn.”
“ On my way,” said Zed, as he slid over the edge of the hole, and made his way down the rope, to land next to Penny in another perfect landing.
“ Ta-da,” he said.
“ Show off,” said Barry.
“ Right,” said Zed. “ So what have we got?”
“ Lots of dark,” said Barry.
“ You’re so clever,” said Zed. “ I mean, have you had a look around yet?”
“ Not really had time,” said Barry. “ But there’s a door over there.”
They all looked to where Barry pointed his beam.
“ Justtin, can you hear me?” asked Zed.
“ Of course. What do you want?”
“ Constantly interrupting,” said Pug. “ All I wanted was a descent chat.”
“ Dad is not here,” said Zed. “ Are you sure you got a sign of life from down here?”
“ Don’t you start. I get all this negative crap from Barry. I expect better from you.”
“ Er, yeah. Sorry about that,” said Zed. “ He’s definitely down here somewhere, but could you give us a clue. Please.”
“ You have entered into the castle dungeon area,” said Justtin.
“ They should lock Barry up, and chuck away the key,” said Pug.
“ And,” Justtin continued, “ in front of you is a door. Dad is the other side.”
They took a closer look at the door and realised it was sealed. So how did dad get the other side of it? Easy. He fell through a different hole.
“ All we need then is a plan,” said Barry.
“ And I have just thing,” said Zed.
“ Is this likely to hurt me?” asked Barry.
“ Not you, no,” said Zed, “ but we are going to have to blow that door up. Do you have any dynamite.”
Barry patted his pockets.
“ Oh, forget it,” said Zed. “ Bert, you’re gonna have to come with me to make this work.”
“ Wash in it f’me?” slurred Bert.
Zed patted his pockets, and found nothing.
“ Barry, give him another beer,” he said.
“ What only one,” said Barry. “ If he don’t drink them, they’ll go to waste.”
“ Thash good ‘nuff f’me,” said Bert, not having the faintest idea of what he was getting himself into.
He took the can of beer from Barry’s hand, took one long swig and downed the lot.
“ Fanksh,” he said.
“ No problem,” said Barry, staggering back from Bert’s fumes.
“ Shaddy bone,” sang Bert, in fine pub singer tradition
“ So what now?” asked Barry, who was getting a little bit anxious.
“ We have to blow the door off,” said Zed. “ And seeing as we don’t have any explosives, I can only think of one other way.”
Barry had heard the first word, and just needed clarification.
“ What we?” he asked, even more anxious.
“ Not you, numb nuts,” said Zed. “ You have to stay here to get your dad, once I’ve done my bit, of course.”
“ But I don’t understand,” said Barry. “ Where does Bert come into this?”
“ You’ll see,” said Zed, putting on his ‘magnificent’ façade. “ I am about to perform the greatest trick this world has ever seen.”
“ What trick?” asked Penny.
“ You’ll see,” said Zed.
“ Not more bloody tricks,” said Barry. “ And no camera’s as well. I thought we were trying to help my dad.”
Zed could sense the agitation in Barry’s voice. He was clever like that.
“ That’s exactly what we are doing,” said Zed. “ Give me a hand with him.”
Between them, they guided Bert toward the door and propped him against the frame.
“ I love you guysh,” Bert fumed.
“ Ta very much,” said Zed.
“ Nah, really,” said Bert. “ I’d just like to shay, you’re my bestest friendsh in the whole world.”
“ Lovely,” said Zed.
“ Now what?” asked Barry.
“ Take Penny and get well back, and just pray this works,” said Zed, with an air of command.
“ Eh?”
“ Just do as I say, please,” said Zed.
“ What? Now?” asked Barry.
“ GO,” yelled Zed with a bigger air of command.
Still confused, Barry did as he was told. He grabbed Penny and ran to find somewhere to hide.
“ What’s he up to?” Penny asked.
“ I have absolutely no idea,” Barry replied.
Then it hit him.
Barry suddenly realised what was about to happen.
Zed was going to cause a spark, at the same time as Bert did one of his huge farts, and with all the fumes in the air, there should be enough to blow the doors off it’s hinges.
A brilliant plan, and Barry wanted to say so. But as he stood up from behind his hiding place to tell Zed just that, he watched Zed punch Bert, very hard in the stomach, with his right fist. In Zed’s left hand was his Zippo lighter, doing what a Zippo is very good at doing. It was alight.
There was an almighty explosion, in which the door, its frame and six feet of surrounding wall, had all been blown to pieces.
When the dust finally settled, Barry struggled to his feet, and looked around for Zed and Bert.
“ Zed,” he called. “ Where are you?”
“ Zed honey, are you ok?” called Penny.
“ Come on big fella,” said Barry. “ Where are you?”
“ Over here,” came the reply.
“ That was a fantastic trick,” said Barry.
“ With one minor flaw,” said Penny.
“ Which is what, exactly?” came the weak reply.
“ You can only do it the once,” said Barry.
“ Oh yeah!” said the ghost of Zed.
“ Bastard,” said the ghost of Bert. “ Bastard, bastard, bastard.”
Barry suddenly felt very alone, but he couldn’t blame anyone. It wasn’t his idea to blow up the door. He couldn’t blame Zed either, or Bert for that matter. They had helped him get this far.
Life’s a bitch, and then you get over it.
“ I’ll get over it,” sighed Barry.
He knew he had to do something, but he wasn’t sure what. He had just witnessed the full horror of his best friend committing hara-kiri, just to help him find his dad. And his dad still had to be found. He was somewhere beyond the rubble that had been left by the explosion.
Barry needed a plan, but that was usually Zed’s department.
What was Barry going to do?
“ I’ve got a plan,” said Zed.
“ B-b-b-but you’re dead,” stuttered Barry.
“ Ok,” sulked Bert. “ Don’t rub it in.”
“ No, really. I have,” said Zed, insistent.
“ Go on then, I’m listening,” said Barry, who was going to say ‘ I’m all ears’, but didn’t think it appropriate, or fair.
“ Where’s Justtin?” asked Zed.
“ Still on the surface,” replied Barry. “ Why?”
“ Can he still hear you?” asked Zed.
“ I think so,” said Barry.
He switched on his headset and spoke.
“ Justin, can you still hear me?”
“ No,” said Justtin in Barry’s earpiece.
“ He says no,” Barry forwarded to Zed.
“ Good,” said Zed. “ Ask him if he can get down here.”
“ I heard that, and the answer is still no,” said Justtin. “ What am I supposed to do, fly?”
“ Charming,” said the ghost of Zed.
“ That piece of metallic crap is going to be dismantled when I get out of here. I’ll make one that can fly,” said Barry, angrily.
“ Fantastic,” said Justtin. “ My life is now complete. First, we have a piss-taking dog, and now we have abuse from you. Is there no end to this chapter? All I wanted was a quiet, simple life. No complications. No stairs. No flying. A nice little ramp would have been…”
He paused, for effect you understand.
“ Oh bollocks!” he muttered.
While looking around, he spied a huge ramp. He must have completely missed it before, but sure enough, there was a long ramp, down one side of the building leading down to the level to where Barry, Penny and a couple of ghosts, were waiting for him.
“ Oh, you’ve seen it then,” said Pug.
“ Yes,” said Justtin, “ but if you knew about it, then how come I couldn’t read your thoughts?”
“ Clever that, isn’t it?” said the dog. “ I’ve found a way of blocking my thoughts.”
“ Really?” said Justtin. “ How?”
“ Easy,” said Pug. “ I just concentrated on a colour.”
“ Really,” said Justtin, impressed.
“ Yep,” said Pug. “ In this case it was two dimensional black.”
Pug didn’t move quickly enough, as Justtin flicked his ear.
“ I’ll be down soon,” Justtin said to Barry. “ Tell me what to do when I get there.”
“ Ok,” said Barry, then to Zed he said, “ What’s the plan?”
“ I have no idea,” said Zed. “ But at least you won’t have to move the rubble on your own.”
“ Nice,” said Barry. “ Well, you’ll have to come up with something soon. Justtin has entered the building. God help us all.”
“ We’re beyond help,” moaned Bert, who had just spent the last few minutes, floating over his remains, or the remains of his remains.
“ Bastard,” he said again.

***

If you were wondering about the band, then don’t worry. They had already spent Barry’s money, and at this moment in time, were happily sleeping it off.
B, in the meantime, had found herself a man, and was happily sleeping it off.

***

“ I can’t see a thing,” said Pug. “ Switch your lights on, Jus.”
There was a small click, and two beams of light shone down, one from each side of Justtin’s head.
“ Any better?” asked Justtin.
“ Not really,” said Pug. “ All I can see is well lit nothing. Ah, hang on. Yes, it’s clearing.”
The dust was settling nicely, but then, it didn’t want to be moved in the first place.
“ Take care down this bit,” Pug told Justtin. “ Don’t want you falling over or anything, do we? It would be a right bastard if I had to stand you back up on my own.”
“ Perish the thought,” said Justtin, not finding Pug’s humour appealing. “ I wonder what sort of plan Zed is hatching.”
“ I suppose it depends on how much further away Barry’s dad is. Do you have your drill attachment?”
“ Of course,” said Justtin. “ I carry all attachments at all times, which can be a pain in the arse, whatever that feels like.”
That was more of an answer than Pug actually wanted, but he got it anyway.
“ You’ll probably need that,” said Pug.
“ No shit,” said Justtin.
“ Justtin?” came Barry’s voice.
“ What?” went Justtin’s reply.
“ I was just wondering if you have your drill attachment?” asked Barry.
“ You shouldn’t have said that,” Pug said to Barry, but Barry never heard him.
“ Shut up you,” Justtin said to the dog, then answered the question. “ Yes, of course. I carry all attachments at all times.”
“ Ok,” said Barry. “ Just checking. We’ll probably need that.”
“ Can’t wait,” said Justtin.