Night Shift News

And another week begins. And what a bag of shite it is. I thought this was Christmas pressure? It might be for the poor sods who have to deliver all this stuff, but for some of us on the flat machine, well considering the £4 million we paid for it, we ain't getting our money's worth. OK, maybe not we, but somebody ain't. I can't even think of anything funny. Being taken off the machine to do packets after 40 mins is laughable, but not funny.
We have nearly 50 casuals to help us deal with the pressure, only to train them to do one thing, and then put them somewhere else. If the poor bastards have been trained to do a job, common sense says leave them there and get some other poor sap to do the other jobs.
Or maybe that's too easy.
We have casuals there that have been there for years. One in particular has worked on the LSM'S for the last 3 years. Luckily for him/her/whatever, it's doing the same job.
It could have been a lot worse.
" Three years on an LSM. The vans need a spray clean. You'll do."
" Our cleaner is having a wanking fit. Can you lick the urinals clean?"
Or, " You do realize that Santa actually parks his reindeer there. We need this area cleared in 5 minutes, or we'll have to park him on the roof, and we all know Santa is afraid of heights."
In sports news Freddie Flintoff says he didn't mean to say it hurt when he had ankle ligament damage. When asked by a BBC London sports journalist what he actually meant, he said, " I felt nought, tha soft southern twat."
And it's a sad day for the Romford Water Polo team, as four or their horses drowned.
And in Space news, congratulations to Yuri Kasperichov for being the first man to orbit the Earth in, what can only be described, as a bicycle in a glass bubble. After being released from his Soyuz launch vehicle yesterday, Yuri got on his bike and pedalled like hell for 45 hours to catch up with his Soyuz, which apparently, would have been easier if he had stayed still. TASS, the Russian News Agency couldn't understand the fuss. " He did exactly what we put him up there to do."
But a spokesman for NASA said, " Those crazy Russians. All he had to do was sit there, and 92 minutes later they could pick him up again. They will try anything to get the upper hand."